What In the World Am I Doing Here?

     About a month ago Greg and I once again found ourselves attempting to unpack boxes and set up house which is always a crazy time. Add on the that the fact that we had to make a quick trip back to Jakarta for visa paperwork. And while there we discovered that Franklin had broken his collarbone weeks ago and we had not ever noticed. Needless to say you could say that we felt a little overwhelmed, stressed, and tired but I will never forget what Greg said to me one night. We were moving boxes around and he looked at me and asked, “what in the world are we doing here? ” After looking at each other for a moment I looked as him and said, ” we are on the adventure of a lifetime” and then we both broke out laughing ( I think that we were way to tired at that point).

     However, that question stayed with me until the next day as I was trying to drive a truck through traffic and not hit any people, bikes, or moving vehicles. I even repeated the question to myself again. Why am I here trying to drive this vehicle in some crazy traffic trying not get hurt or hurt someone else? How come I have such a love for these people when I still struggle with the language and understanding the culture? How can Greg and I feel so at home in a place that makes no sense to us except that we feel our hearts cry this is where we belong?  Then just as I am about to make a turn that would lead me to the school I almost felt God whispering in my ear “now you know how I feel.” This is were I started to cry as the realization hit and made me wonder if  this unexplained love for the people is how Jesus felt while on earth and continues to feel for us. He came and walked with the people, prayed with the people, did miracles right before their very eyes, and even went to the cross and died for us.  
     Man it made me stop and think what it would be like to have that kind of deep, unquenchable love that would stop at nothing. Sometimes I think that God’s love for us is so great and amazing that I can not truly grasp it in my human mind.  And that is when it hit me that is truly why our family is here living with the Papuan people. God has chosen our family to love these people to the fullest of our abilities and in showing them that love we in turn will be showing them Christ love. So when Greg is flying those people in and out of remote places or is loading food or building supplies or doing a medical flight he is doing it with a deep love to help the people to see Christ in his actions. When I allow four little boys to take as many berries as they want off my bush or just wave and smile to people as I drive by I am doing it with the deep love that God has placed inside of me. And I have come to notice that is really what people are wanting and longing for. They want to know that they are not invisible and that someone loves them and thinks that they are special. If a person has never felt that way by another human how will they be able to grasp the love and acceptance by a loving heavenly father.  So the next time you see a ministry outreach about to take place or a missionary family about to head or someone is about to do something that just seems out of place and you are about to ask them “why in the world are you doing that?” Think about that unquenchable love and how God has given it to us all for a very special purpose and use.



One thought on “What In the World Am I Doing Here?

  1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. They fit in whatever hemisphere we find ourselves. I read this over the phone to Amma and she was touched by it too. Maybe I'll read this next Sunday at church, as we have to have a “missionary moment” and this would be a good reminder to us all.


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